Hello there everyone!
May is the month for mental health awareness!
This is something that is very close to my heart & I want to take time to dedicate a post or more to it this month. In the last years there has been great progress in making health aware, but the stigma behind is still strong. There are many people who remain unaware & there are many who suffer the consequences that is why it's so important to talk about mental health.
Mental Health America is a non-profit association that focuses on promoting mental health & aiding those who live with a mental illness. For this year's mental awareness month they are doing a campaign where they want to hear people's story by sharing to #MentalIllnessFeelsLike. Today I will be sharing my story in hopes to bring awareness to an issue that many struggle with day after day.
When you see a person, you see how they look, what they are wearing, the way they talk, how they move, you can make an inference of what they like & what they are like. but you never truly know what goes on inside their mind. The mind is a thing that with it we are capable of doing many wonders but to some people its what holds them back from living out a 'normal' life.
From an early age, I felt different from others, I would notice the things others my age were able to do & there was something inside me that always stopped me from doing all those things. I remember when I was in primary school, how much I loved learning & talking to one or two of my classmates, & engaging in class. But when it came down to actually socializing, I was the shy girl that followed the 'cool' kids but wouldn't allow myself to be myself or speak mind because something inside wouldn't allow it. When girls invited me for parties or just to play I wanted to go obviously because they were my friend but just the though of being in the unfamiliar with strangers, parents & family, I rather not go which has affected my friendships in the long run.I remember first days of school were the absolute worse I felt all jittery inside my stomach felt sick, same or worse was for test taking. Teachers, my parents, & myself though all this was overall normal & that once I came out of my shyness shell it would all be over.
It got worse!
Middle school & high school were a nightmare. New people, many classes in one day, crowded halls, loud teenagers, group projects & presenting in class, parties. just thinking about this all make my stomach flip. This is when I started to catch on to that something was different from me.Why was I so afraid to say the answer, I knew was right during class? Why can't I talk & become friends with people I knew I could by along with? Why did my heartbeat rise when I had to change classes & go into the halls? Was it okay that I would rather stay home in my comfy home because I was terrified to go to the party everyone was going to?
My junior year I was a walking mess of anxiety I hated how I felt it was like that feeling you get right before you are going to fall of a chair or trip down the stairs but for extended periods of time. There was many things going on in my life at the moment & I thought that it was how I was dealing with everything going on. My senior year I left many of the things that I thought were the cause of how I felt because I wanted to enjoy it. It was a beautiful year & it seem to be better but there were days when there was absolutely nothing to cause the terrible anxiety I felt but there it was then all of us sudden it would be gone.
University was the breaking point for me. My first semester I was very excited to start this new chapter but I was a bit afraid of the unknown . Then I started to feel uneasy again, there was so many people everywhere in campus then just the thought of having to answer a question in front of 400 people made me sick. I would sit in the very back & not participate. I couldn't focus in class anymore because of the jitters I felt & I was more worried of keeping my breathing even than lecture. I began to lose my motivation to go to class because I just hated how it made me feel. I didn't do well academically that semester & the ones to follow. It was December of 2014 when I had to make a decision, I knew that something was wrong & I needed to fix it. It got to the pint were it was not only affecting me in school but everywhere going to the mall parties hanging out with friends, it was taking control over my entire life. I took a semester off & decided to focus on myself, my health because clearly something was not right.
In the past I knew that anxiety was a thing, I knew a people who had it throughout my lifetime but to be it was something so extreme I never associated myself with it. Ironically, I am a Psychology major but to me it was about helping the people who dealt with mental illnesses of such. Learning more & listening to others go more into detail of what anxiety allowed me to realize that it was exactly what I had but like all things it works differently for everyone, for me it happens to be social anxiety.
Being an introvert, my social anxiety seems to make sense & my claustrophobia doesn't help it either. I thought that all this was overall normal, There are many more thing & times were my anxiety was very much present but I wasn't aware of it until now. I thought living that way was how it was suppose to & I was so use to it that even if I disliked it I didn't know that it was something that can be treated.
During that semester break was one of the best things that I ever did. I learned so much about myself & in such short amount of time I was able to grow as a person. I still have days were it comes back but I am able to know what to do & know that its okay & I will be okay. I don't have a severe case of social anxiety but I still have it, & this is what it feels like for me. I know that this post is a bit personal but I hope that it can bring awareness for mental health.
What is your story? Do you know someone with mental illness? How do you create awareness for mental health? Is mental health important to you?
I hope you all have a wonderful day & smile to this beautiful life.