Happy Thursday Everybody!
Today I have a very special post, about a month ago the wonderful, Arden Rose, made a video talking about her journey towards feminism after overcoming a strong dislike of women. I was so amazed by everything she said not only because it was so personal & powerful but because I related to every single word she said. I too have struggled with my perception of women & today I want to share my story with you.
For years I thought of myself to be a feminist, as I strongly believed in the equal rights & equal opportunities for all genders, but there is much more to it than that & I couldn't be more off from it. I didn't notice this until recently but I had a really strong dislike towards women. I know it might sound a bit confusing because I am one, but that is how I felt for a really long time.
I have a wonderful mother who is as smart & funny as she is strong & beautiful, she is an example of a great woman, she is my comfort & inspiration. If I had such a great example of a female in my life, as there have been others throughout my life, why did I had this perception of women.
At a very early age, I didn't have the best babysitter or caregiver you wished for a child, it was the first time I was mistreated and hurt, the person who caused it happened to be a women. In Elementary school, my kinder teacher was not the friendly sweetheart we see in movies. I was constantly being told want not to do, my art work was horrible, pointless detentions, cruel punishments & so much negativeness for a five year old to receive. I began to developed the idea that women who were not my family were mean.
When I got to middle school it only seemed to get worse. I no longer cried as it was a sign of feminine weakness, I hated the color pink, I hated wearing dresses & skirts, I began to be picky with my friendships & I din't know how much of myself to give into them. I met some pretty mean girls, they would talk behind each others backs & start drama for no reason, it only fed to my idea that girls were awful.
High school was a bit better as trying to be the best "non-girly girl" became second nature & I ran with it. I was too focused on my academics & having fun with music I didn't payed much attention to it or was rather trying to avoid & not feed the monster. Junior year was one to surely remember, a good friend of mine, Ayveri & I, were the flute section leaders. this meant that we were to lead about 25 girls throughout the entire year. In the beginning it wasn't as bad as I had imagine it would be of course there were times where I would be annoyed but overall I grew to care for them & push us all to the best of our abilities.
That is until the spring semester where I was no longer surrounded by all 25 girls all the time but more like 5 of them from the top band. It gets better before it gets worse they say, it couldn't be more accurate just when I was staring to develop not a tolerance but genuine friendships with girls in a couple of months it all crumbled & made horrible damage. In practices, if I had to walk out for a minute, as soon as I would go back all the whispering would stop. At first I ignored it as it could have just been a coincidence but as the weeks past the whispering grew more to the point it was obvious it was to do with me. I never said anything or confronted any of them but they knew, I knew, the tension in those practices became so intense I couldn't focus & give my best.
Each day their voices would echo in my head, what did I ever do to any of them to receive this kind of treatment, I have only put my best effort & worked by best with them, why is this happening. What made matters even worse is that it wasn't only music wise they whispered about but personal things & anything that could hurt. I had given almost 8 years into this music world, it was my everything but the tensions rose, my love for what was the most dear to me began to fade. Towards the end of the year the only thing that kept me there was the little love for music I had left.
The leader applications for the following year came & I remember thinking twice if I should do it, but I ignored it & hoped for the best. Lets just say in the end it was one of the whispering girls got the position. I really gave my everything to the program & there was nothing left of me to give. I saw this as a positive thing it was my chance to be free of this thing sucking the life out of me, I deserved to feel happy.
This last experience was the thing to set it all on fire. I had lost my trust in girls, my views on them only got worse as they were horrible & evil in my eyes. I knew there were some great women out there like my mom & a couple of others. To me they were different, they were the exception to "other women" & I wanted to be another exception.
For years it became easier for me to be around guys than girls, to not like "girly girl" things like sparkles and pink, to not show any sign of weakness, to avoid drama, to not get to close or develop friendships with them, even the thought of giving birth to a little girl terrified me. I should have received a feminist award with this thinking.
In the last year maybe a bit more, I have done major personal growth that has allowed me to see that this way of thinking is not right. In her video Arden, mentions that we do this we associate it with a gender but in the end people are people we will have bad experiences with them just as we will have great ones. Yes, I experienced hurt & emotional damage from women but that doesn't mean that women are horrible. This blinding dislike for my own gender didn't allow me to appreciate the wonderful girls in my life & the adventure of all things girl.
As I have been healing & forgiven these ladies I've been having a great time learning & appreciating being a girl. Makeup is an art that I fall in love with each day even more. Who knew dresses & skirts could be so flattering & lovely to wear. I have to say I can actually really pull off the color pink. My last phone case was gold with sparkles & my best friends at the moment are girls. A few months ago I had a dream where I was a mom holding a beautiful baby girl in my arms & it was in that moment where I knew that I couldn't be happier & prouder to be a women.
I wanted to share this because if I was able to relate & understand what Arden went through I know there are many girls who can relate to what I wrote. Last week was #NationalWomensDay, I was so thankful to see so much love, support & positivity. There are also still many places in the world that don't have the opportunity to feel happy & proud of being a girl, I can only keep my hopes that working together they one day will.
I would love to hear your thoughts & stories on this, anything you would like to say on the matter. Thank you for reading this & I hope you have a wonderful beautiful day.
Today I have a very special post, about a month ago the wonderful, Arden Rose, made a video talking about her journey towards feminism after overcoming a strong dislike of women. I was so amazed by everything she said not only because it was so personal & powerful but because I related to every single word she said. I too have struggled with my perception of women & today I want to share my story with you.
For years I thought of myself to be a feminist, as I strongly believed in the equal rights & equal opportunities for all genders, but there is much more to it than that & I couldn't be more off from it. I didn't notice this until recently but I had a really strong dislike towards women. I know it might sound a bit confusing because I am one, but that is how I felt for a really long time.
I have a wonderful mother who is as smart & funny as she is strong & beautiful, she is an example of a great woman, she is my comfort & inspiration. If I had such a great example of a female in my life, as there have been others throughout my life, why did I had this perception of women.
At a very early age, I didn't have the best babysitter or caregiver you wished for a child, it was the first time I was mistreated and hurt, the person who caused it happened to be a women. In Elementary school, my kinder teacher was not the friendly sweetheart we see in movies. I was constantly being told want not to do, my art work was horrible, pointless detentions, cruel punishments & so much negativeness for a five year old to receive. I began to developed the idea that women who were not my family were mean.
When I got to middle school it only seemed to get worse. I no longer cried as it was a sign of feminine weakness, I hated the color pink, I hated wearing dresses & skirts, I began to be picky with my friendships & I din't know how much of myself to give into them. I met some pretty mean girls, they would talk behind each others backs & start drama for no reason, it only fed to my idea that girls were awful.
That is until the spring semester where I was no longer surrounded by all 25 girls all the time but more like 5 of them from the top band. It gets better before it gets worse they say, it couldn't be more accurate just when I was staring to develop not a tolerance but genuine friendships with girls in a couple of months it all crumbled & made horrible damage. In practices, if I had to walk out for a minute, as soon as I would go back all the whispering would stop. At first I ignored it as it could have just been a coincidence but as the weeks past the whispering grew more to the point it was obvious it was to do with me. I never said anything or confronted any of them but they knew, I knew, the tension in those practices became so intense I couldn't focus & give my best.
Each day their voices would echo in my head, what did I ever do to any of them to receive this kind of treatment, I have only put my best effort & worked by best with them, why is this happening. What made matters even worse is that it wasn't only music wise they whispered about but personal things & anything that could hurt. I had given almost 8 years into this music world, it was my everything but the tensions rose, my love for what was the most dear to me began to fade. Towards the end of the year the only thing that kept me there was the little love for music I had left.
The leader applications for the following year came & I remember thinking twice if I should do it, but I ignored it & hoped for the best. Lets just say in the end it was one of the whispering girls got the position. I really gave my everything to the program & there was nothing left of me to give. I saw this as a positive thing it was my chance to be free of this thing sucking the life out of me, I deserved to feel happy.
This last experience was the thing to set it all on fire. I had lost my trust in girls, my views on them only got worse as they were horrible & evil in my eyes. I knew there were some great women out there like my mom & a couple of others. To me they were different, they were the exception to "other women" & I wanted to be another exception.
For years it became easier for me to be around guys than girls, to not like "girly girl" things like sparkles and pink, to not show any sign of weakness, to avoid drama, to not get to close or develop friendships with them, even the thought of giving birth to a little girl terrified me. I should have received a feminist award with this thinking.
In the last year maybe a bit more, I have done major personal growth that has allowed me to see that this way of thinking is not right. In her video Arden, mentions that we do this we associate it with a gender but in the end people are people we will have bad experiences with them just as we will have great ones. Yes, I experienced hurt & emotional damage from women but that doesn't mean that women are horrible. This blinding dislike for my own gender didn't allow me to appreciate the wonderful girls in my life & the adventure of all things girl.
As I have been healing & forgiven these ladies I've been having a great time learning & appreciating being a girl. Makeup is an art that I fall in love with each day even more. Who knew dresses & skirts could be so flattering & lovely to wear. I have to say I can actually really pull off the color pink. My last phone case was gold with sparkles & my best friends at the moment are girls. A few months ago I had a dream where I was a mom holding a beautiful baby girl in my arms & it was in that moment where I knew that I couldn't be happier & prouder to be a women.
I wanted to share this because if I was able to relate & understand what Arden went through I know there are many girls who can relate to what I wrote. Last week was #NationalWomensDay, I was so thankful to see so much love, support & positivity. There are also still many places in the world that don't have the opportunity to feel happy & proud of being a girl, I can only keep my hopes that working together they one day will.
I would love to hear your thoughts & stories on this, anything you would like to say on the matter. Thank you for reading this & I hope you have a wonderful beautiful day.